From the moment I peed on that little stick, and saw the faintest second line appear - my life changed instantly. I couldn't believe my eyes, I didn't feel any different physically, yet this moment was guaranteed to be one that was etched in my memory forever. From that moment, I was aware that I was growing a human being inside of me, one that I would be responsible for forever. For the months that followed my excitement grew along with my belly, along with my to-do lists, along with my collection of tiny sized singlets and booties. The funny thing was, looking back at all of this, the only real concern I had was going into labour and wondering if I would be able to cope – with my number one fear involving doing a number two.
Strangely enough I hadn't really given much thought to what would happen afterwards, when I brought this tiny creature home....it sounds crazy I know, but it is the truth. You can read all the books in the world and receive advice from everyone around you, but nothing can truly prepare you. For me personally, I went into Motherhood blindly having never had any siblings and I can count on one hand the amount of times I had been around babies – hell I'd never even changed a nappy.
The first hurdle – breastfeeding. You just put the baby near the general vicinity of your chest and they will take care of the rest, right? Wrong, well for me anyway. 3 days post-partum saw me visiting a lactation clinic with my little guy in tow, and being hooked up to tandem electric breast pumps leaving me resembling a cow but hey, after childbirth you really have no shame.
The lack of sleep obviously takes it toll, and you become desperate for a moments peace, or a minute alone to collect your thoughts. The days blur against the nights and you truly wonder if you will ever feel human again, but here's the scary truth – you will miss these times.
I constantly beat myself up for not soaking up enough of the newborn phase, despite the fact that Hunter was a screaming, wriggly, power-chucking ball of energy who refused to nap for more than 15 minutes at a time. I prayed for those days to be over, and would have given anything to fast-forward time, but now I am plagued with guilt for wishing these things. Here's the thing with becoming a Mum, you might have a picture in your mind of what you will be like, and how you will adapt but this is likely to be very different to reality. Some days you might be feeling like Martha Stewart (without the prison sentence) cooking, crafting and keeping a clean house, other days you will be curled up in a ball crying harder than your baby – trust me I have done both.
Now that my son is a toddler, we have different types of issues to contend with, and I still question my abilities as well as my sanity on most days. Amongst the craziness, amongst the mess, amongst the tantrums and tears comes the most amazing moments that truly make your life complete. I still have days where I wish I could push a fast-forward button, but I am trying to remember the fact that I will look back on these days with a fondness that may or may not have been skewed by time, but a fondness none the less. So if it's only for moment, try and take a minute to really breathe in the today, because it will be gone before you know it