The curse of Mummy guilt
I'm putting it out there - as much as I love my son more than anything in this world, since having him I have never been so challenged, filled with adoration one minute, super anxious the next, proud, in awe, and guilty all at once. How does this usually happen for me? Well it often goes a little like this: My husband and I have a great day or activity planned for us all as a family, and we head out full of anticipation of a fabulous time ahead. We arrive at planned destination only for Hunter to completely lose his mind over something minute and unexpected. Once this has occurred it is like trying to wrangle a bucking bull full of strength back into its pen. 9 times out of 10 lately he has become so unsettled at this point, that there is no coming back from it and we do the walk of shame back to the car and head home. By this point I am feeling upset by the fact that nothing seems to ever go to plan (how can it with a toddler) and we head back to the four walls in which Hunter is the most comfortable. I then start to to feel bad about feeling so disappointed that my little guy didn't sit happily with his little biscuit and sippy cup like all the other kids did, becuase it seems that everytime I look around at all the other kids are in their prams happily looking around, whilst clutching their favourite toy or snack. But then, when my world finally quietens down post-Hunter meltdown, or he is finally in his cot resting so peacefully it hits..........the biggest wave of Mummy guilt. Why did I not have more patience? Why couldn't I resolve the situation? Why couldn't I have practised being a zen-mummy ,and let it all roll off? I know we are all in the same boat, and I know that each and every Mummy that reads this will have felt these feeling recently, maybe not today but I bet at least once this week. The thing is, we know we can't control or pre-empt these sitations but it doesn't make it any easier. The thing with kids is that they are just little people with big ideas, and sometimes these ideas are to ruin your plans. Sometimes their ideas are to play nicely, behave well and make you so proud of your achievements as a parent. Other times their ideas involve screaming uncontrollably, hitting, or crying to the point that you wonder if they will ever stop...and then finally the chaos comes to an end, and you can get off the crazy roller-coaster of life for just a moment a realise that nothing is forever. Well, nothing is forever except for your all-consuming love for this little person, who manages to turn your world upside down. But this same little person is also the reason why your world spins, so you go and do it all again tomorrow.