Inside the head of a Mummy
There have been a lot of raw and honest accounts on Motherhood finding their way across social media and the internet lately. Each and every post will help someone out there to some degree, whether it be by making them laugh, or by helping them realise that they are not alone. The last couple of weeks for me personally have had some beautiful high points and some challenging low points all of which have related in some way to being a Mum, and some of the challenges we face almost daily. My son is boisterous, adventurous, free-spirited and vocal....sometimes too vocal He is this ball of energy that never stops unless he is captivated by his favourite cartoon which currently is Peppa Pig (yes I am a Mum that allows her son to watch T.V). There are many things I said I wouldn't do prior to having Hunter like using dummies or taking an Ipad out to lunch but sometimes, just sometimes your own sanity needs to be saved. I adore my son, my heart hurts with how much I love him but some days I look at the clock and beg for his bedtime. Some days when I hear him scream out from his cot at an ungodly hour I wish I could pretend I don't hear him. But he needs me, is reliant on me and craves to be with me (or of course his Daddy). Some days I find myself dreaming of when he is that little bit older and can properly communicate with me as opposed to screaming, wailing and pointing as though I should know what on earth he is saying. But then I realise that the past 16 months have already flown by so quickly that before I know it I will blink and be sending him off for his first day of school with tears streaming down my face. For all the chaos, the craziness, the screams and tantrums there are the sweet cuddles and kisses that instantly make you forget. I often feel guilty for wishing some days away and wonder if I am cut out for this job that is as rewarding and beautiful as it is exhausting and monotonous. Sometimes when things get really tough I wish I could transport back to my old life if only for just a second, where I didn't have the responsibility of growing and protecting another human 24 hours a day. But once the craziness ends I kick myself for ever having those thoughts in the first place. In a group setting my son is never the one sitting quietly in the corner with contentment, he is either running around in search of his next challenge or screaming because he doesn't want to be confined in his high-chair. These facets of my sons developing personality are forming the foundation of his temperament and character, and I have no doubt that his energy and determination will make him into a motivated, interesting and generous man just like his father - but sometimes it's exhausting. We are all doing the very best we can, we are all human and make mistakes, we can beat ourselves up for these mistakes or we can learn from them and continue to move forward. I have flaws, I have faults as a parent but my little man never lets me know about it, and that is the most important thing to remember.