It feels like only yesterday that we were in the delivery room meeting our little man for the very first time, then excitedly bundling him into his baby capsule for the journey home. The problem was, I was so focused and stressed about getting through labour and the birth itself, that I hadn't given enough thought to what I would be dealing with once we left the hospital. Being an only child, never having changed a nappy in my life, and having spent minimal time around newborns did not hold me in very good stead!
What was I to do with this red, screaming, crying, vomiting, 'bundle of joy'? Where did I begin? What the hell have we done? These were all questions that I was asking myself, as I fumbled around desperately trying to unravel this mystery before me. I'll be honest, the first three months were hard, really hard. Between learning to breastfeed and pick up on tired/hunger cues, dealing with vomit/poo explosions, and trying to console an inconsolable baby it is exhausting. At the same time you are trying to maintain your home, your appearance, your relationship and some skerric of your former life.
The honest truth is, your former life no longer does exist. The moment you decide to have a baby is when your life becomes about someone else, someone who is completely dependant and reliant on you for everything, and that can be scary. Over time this fear eases, and you realise that there is no greater honour or privilege. Not only are you a parent but you are a teacher, a cuddle to ease the pain, a best friend, a playmate, a security blanket and so much more.
I have witnessed such an amazing transformation and learning curve over the past months, not only in my son but in myself as well. We are our own greatest critics, and I often wonder if I am doing enough, and curse myself when I find that I am getting frustrated or overwhelmed. The fact is, motherhood doesn't come with a handbook and you can accept all the advice in the world, but you have to find what works best for you and your family - but I know when I look down at my little man's smiling face that I definitely got something right.